Why Do Bad Things Happen
Category: Parenting Tools
Life is hard!
In each person’s life, there will be a mixture of difficult situations and pleasant situations. We can plan for some of these moments, but others take us completely by surprise. Often, difficulties are just a part of nature. Other times, difficulties are a result of another person’s behavior. Either way, it can create stress and pain. The world is not perfect and people are not perfect. Sooner or later, every person will have to face hardship of some kind, even children. During these stressful, often painful moments it is healthy to have a support base of encouraging people. More importantly, we need to remember that even without friends we are not alone. God‘s Word tells us that God is available and at work. This tool can help you to help your child learn healthy coping skills.
Here is a list of some good things that can happen in life:
__ Having a baby in the family
__ Having parents you love
__ Having parents love you
__ Getting a pet
__ Being healthy
__ Getting good grades
__ Having a good friend
Check the things that have happened to you and then write or tell about other good things that have happened to you:
Take time to thank God now.
Here is a list of some bad things that can happen in life:
__ Car accident
__ Family fighting
__ Sickness in the family
__ Death in the family
__ A child is hurt by a grownup
__ A person gets lost
Check the things that have happened to you and then write or tell about other bad things that have happened to you:
Read and talk about Psalm 46:1.
Take time to pray for some of the things you are having trouble with.
Sometimes the bad things that happen to us make us have confused feelings. Some times we don’t want to tell anyone about them. Here are some of the feelings people have during times like this:
__ Feel like hiding
__ Feel like running away
__ Feel like screaming
__ Feel like hurting someone
Have you ever felt any of these
feelings? Write down, or tell about other feelings you have when bad things
Pray to tell God how you feel and to ask for help with your feelings. You can also tell a safe adult (like a parent or teacher) and they can help you to respond to your feelings in healthy ways.
Meeting Your Child's Needs
Category: Parenting Tools
As a parent, you may have doubts about your parenting skills and your effectiveness as a role model. You probably also have concerns whether your child will grow to be a conscientious and productive individual. How can you be firm when it is necessary, and still be tender and loving? How do you avoid overindulging your child, or know when they need an extra helping of attention?
Balancing discipline with love is a challenging task, but with consistency, calmness, and prayer you will find success!
Why do I get so frustrated?
As parents, we find ourselves bordering on panic and discouragement for different reasons, and during most stages of our child’s development. Panic leads to overreaction. We feel guilty when we lose our patience, and wonder how our child will ever develop into a successful and fulfilled adult. Often doubt can be avoided by using some preventative “medicine”.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help give you a realistic view of the situation:
1. Does my value of my child as a person depend upon their outward success?
2. Am I completely honest with myself and before my child?
3. Am I able to keep rules simple and flexible?
4. Do I avoid making promises I can’t or won’t keep?
5. Do I have tools for dealing with stress before it controls my reactions?
6. Am I aware that I do not have all the answers and am not threatened by it?
7. Do I say “no” too often, or do I say “yes” too often?
Steps to help my child avoid misbehavior.
1. Ensure that you are providing the appropriate amount of supervision for your child.
2. Ensure your own behavior reflects the type of behavior you desire your child to have.
3. Keep a general but flexible schedule for you and your child’s daily activities.
4. Provide activity options for your child that you can participate in with them.
5. Take time to teach and demonstrate activities for your child.
6. Encourage exploration of new and varied activities so your child will gain tools to reach their full potential.
Determining how and when to discipline:
1. Do I have unrealistic expectations?
2. Do I avoid “sermonizing”?
3. Do I give clear instructions?
4. Do I have too many rules?
5. Do I rely too heavily on punishment instead of redirection?
6. Do I allow my child opportunities to participate in simple choices? (“Do you want your bath before or after supper?”) This gives ownership in cooperation
7. Do I fail to give warnings or give too many warnings?
8. Do I discipline or punish while still angry?
9. Do I follow through consistently with discipline?
10. Do I overreact by the severity or duration of punishment? (Match the punishment to the offence).
11. Do I use discipline and punishment appropriately? (See the end of this article)
Loving my child more than perfection.
· I will show my child unconditional love without demands (as Christ loves me).
· I will pray daily for my child and with my child.
· I will praise my child more than I correct them.
· I will listen to and learn from my child.
· I will avoid belittling my child.
· I will consistently give positive reinforcement for my child’s successes.
· I truly forgive my child and leave the past in the past.
· I understand my child’s fears, hopes, strengths, and struggles.
Proverbs 22:6 “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
Prayer: “God, I know I sometimes have not been the Christian parent that I intend to be. I believe that you love me and forgive my sin. Help me to use your example to love and forgive my child.”
Many people are confused by, or even fearful of, the terms “Punishment” and “Discipline”.
In this pamphlet we define the terms as follows:
Punishment is a consequence for a misbehavior with the purpose of getting a child’s attention.
(Example: Taking away a privilege ,or giving a “time out” for a younger child, or grounding an older child).
Discipline is a redirection or a growth-producing activity to teach and produce good habits
(Example: Calling someone to give an apology, or using their allowance to replace a broken item).
Discipline can also be an on-going activity to create family harmony, cooperation, and to teach personal responsibility. (Example: Helping with a chore).
Category: Parenting Tools
Our response when someone sneezes is often, "God bless you". Although we want God’s blessings for our loved ones, we can go days without telling them. Even more powerful than a statement of good will, is a prayer. The simplest and best prayer comes from the heart.
James 5:16 says, “When a good man prays, great things happen.”
Prayer will help you connect with your child. Praying regularly with your child will also help them learn how to connect with God in a natural way - by talking to Him!
If you place your hand on your child’s head or hold their hand, it emphasizes the importance of the moment and your desire to connect with them.
Activities like this are most beneficial with repetition. Prayer on a regular basis carries memories of past times, and brings a moment of peace between you and your child.
Even infants will benefit from prayer as you put them down to sleep. A prayer for the infant can also give the parent peace of mind. It is beneficial to practice in a setting that is non-threatening.
Prayer can be a soothing end to bedtime stories with toddlers and young children. Older children may resist a bedtime prayer, but the simpler and more natural you make it the less awkward it will be. Encourage your child to participate in prayer by asking them to share what needs they would like prayer for.
1 Jn. 5:14 “We can come to God with no doubts. This means that when we ask God for things (and those things agree with what God wants for us) then God cares about what we say.”
Leaving the house
“God bless you in school today!” can become part of your morning goodbyes to your child and will become a welcome encouragement to them. It also reminds them that God is with them throughout the day.
A natural and spontaneous time to pray for and with your child is during a time of sickness as you give a prayer for a sick person’s recovery.
Times of crisis, transition, or a big event:
A test is coming up, it’s the day of tryouts for a team, a day of your teen’s driver’s test, or your young adult is leaving for college.
It’s not magic, but praying for God’s blessing can remind your child that you are carrying them in prayer during this special time and it will teach them that they can call on God’s aid in times of stress or difficulty.
Deut. 4:6”...Our God comes near when we pray to him.”
As you and your child pray together you will both be enriched by one another’s encouragement, and the knowledge that even when you are apart, God is always present with both of you.
The Bible teaches the value of children and the importance of giving them positive guidance.
Some of the truths taught in the Bible concerning children:
· Pass on family values to them
(Deut. 4:8, 6:7)
· Teach them how God has worked in the past (Joel 1:3)
· Teach behavior that will benefit their future and their relationship with the Lord (Ps. 78:5-7)
· Children are precious (Prov. 17:6)
· Children are a responsibility to take seriously (2 Cor. 12:14)
· Children are a blessing to us (Ps. 127:3-5)
· A parent should give good things to their child (Mt. 7:11)
· God makes time for children
· Discipline should be an expression of your love (Heb. 12:5-6)
· Children have things to teach us
· Children should be protected
· Having childlike faith is highly regarded by God (Mt. 18:2-4)
· We should refrain from purposefully
frustrating our child
(Eph. 6:4, Col 3:21)
Mark and Sheryl Douras desire to supply you with helpful resources.