How does unhealthy or sinful anger look?
One of the first things we should try to do when we are angry is to calm down, but it is hard to calm down when you are near the situation that caused your anger in the first place. That is why taking a “Time Out” could help. This is not a punishment, it is just a tool to keep you from getting into trouble.
A “Time Out” allows you to see the situation more clearly, and gives you the chance to plan what to do, and what to say.
What a time out is NOT for, is to get attention, to pout, to plan ways to get revenge, or to avoid facing the issue.
Sometimes it is helpful to write down your thoughts. You may want to think of who made you angry and what happened that angered you. What feelings are you experiencing besides anger? Are you feeling sad, lonely, worried, or maybe even guilty?
Try to think of things that contributed to the situation. What are you responsible for? You also may want to write down what you could have said or done differently.
It is often helpful to think of ways you can correct the situation. You can’t change what others do but you can always do the God-honoring thing.
Some questions to ask yourself are:
· Should I apologize? OR Do I need to forgive someone?
· Would it help to wait for the situation to change or cool off before moving forward?
· Do I need to ask for another person to get involved or mediate?
· Do I need to clarify my feelings or get more information?
It is also important to consider the viewpoint of others. This is a good time to plan ways to avoid similar situations in the future.
Most importantly, this “Time Out” should be used to pray. Pray for understanding. Pray for guidance. Pray for the ability to make wrongs right. Ask God for wisdom. Share how you feel. God is a good listener and He cares!
Causes and Signs of Anger
Despite how it may look, there is a cause for anger:
· Fear—facing danger or difficulty
· Pain—harmed emotionally, physically, mentally
· Injustice—loss of control, rights or ownership.
· Frustration—feeling helpless or weak.
Anyone who plays sports understands that there is a need to take “Time Outs” for your team. “Time Outs” are for rest, to plan what to do next, to see what the coach wants you to do, or to make changes in the way you are playing.
“Time outs” can also be helpful to us in dealing with anger by giving us time to think of the best way to respond in the situation.
When is my anger a problem?
1. When it is too frequent.
2. When it is too intense.
3. When it lasts too long.
4. When it leads to aggression.
5. When it disrupts work or relationships.
6. When it affects health.
7. When it is ignored.